Ever find yourself lying awake at 3 AM, replaying that moment when you snapped at your kids over spilled juice? Or wondering if letting them watch that extra episode while you caught your breath makes you a “bad parent”?
Last week, I completely lost it when my two-year-old decided to “help” by dumping an entire bag of flour on the kitchen floor right as we needed to leave for a doctor’s appointment. I yelled. Not my proudest moment.
But here’s what happened next: I took a deep breath, got down on his level, and said, “Mommy got too loud. I’m sorry. You were trying to help, weren’t you?”
His little face lit up. “Yes! Making cookies!”
That repair? That matters more than the mistake.
If you’re constantly questioning whether you’re doing this whole parenting thing right, I have some surprising news: that self-doubt might actually be a sign you’re more emotionally intelligent than you realize.
After seven years teaching kindergarten and now raising two little ones, I’ve learned that the parents who worry most about their emotional impact are often the ones doing the deepest, most meaningful work.
1) You apologize to your kids when you mess up
Remember when our parents’ generation believed apologizing to children somehow diminished their authority? Thank goodness we’ve moved past that.
When you genuinely apologize after losing your patience or making a mistake, you’re modeling something powerful. You’re showing your kids that everyone makes mistakes, that taking responsibility matters, and that relationships can be repaired.
Just yesterday, I promised we’d go to the farmers’ market, but then the baby had a rough night, and I was running on two hours of sleep. When I told my five-year-old we couldn’t go, she was crushed.
Later, I apologized for breaking my promise and we made a new plan together.
Does this feel uncomfortable sometimes? Absolutely. But that discomfort is growth.
2) You let them feel their feelings without rushing to fix
How many times have you caught yourself saying “You’re okay!” when your child is clearly not okay?
Emotionally intelligent parents resist the urge to immediately shut down difficult emotions. Instead of “Don’t cry” or “You’re fine,” try “Tell me more” or simply “I’m listening.”
My daughter recently had a meltdown because her tower of blocks kept falling. My instinct was to quickly rebuild it for her.
Instead, I sat nearby and said, “That’s really frustrating when things don’t work how we want them to.” She cried for another minute, then started problem-solving on her own.
3) You notice and name emotions (yours and theirs)
- “You seem disappointed that your friend couldn’t come over.”
- “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now and need a minute.”
- “Your body looks angry. Want to tell me about it?”
If these phrases sound familiar, you’re already teaching emotional literacy. You’re giving your children the vocabulary they’ll need to navigate their inner world for the rest of their lives.
4) You prioritize connection over perfection
Ever had one of those days where dinner is crackers and cheese on the couch while reading stories? Where bedtime stretches an extra hour because someone needs extra cuddles?
Emotionally intelligent parents know that sometimes the “rules” need to bend for connection. You understand that your child acting out might need a hug more than a time-out.
This doesn’t mean no boundaries. It means recognizing when your child’s emotional cup needs filling.
5) You take care of your own emotional needs
Here’s what nobody tells you: Putting on your own oxygen mask first isn’t selfish. It’s essential.
When I taught kindergarten, the teachers who never took breaks were the ones who burned out fastest. The same applies to parenting. If you’re running on empty, you can’t give your kids the emotional presence they need.
Maybe it’s a solo walk around the block. Maybe it’s calling a friend while the kids have quiet time. Maybe it’s letting them watch an extra show so you can drink your coffee hot. Whatever it is, you recognize that your emotional well-being directly impacts your family’s.
6) You repair quickly after conflicts
We all lose our cool sometimes. What matters is what happens next.
Emotionally intelligent parents don’t let shame or stubbornness prevent them from reconnecting. You circle back after the storm passes. You might say, “That was hard for both of us. Can we try again?”
This teaches resilience and shows that relationships can weather difficult moments.
7) You’re curious about your child’s behavior instead of just reactive
When your child is acting out, do you find yourself wondering what’s really going on?
- “I wonder if you’re having a hard time because you’re hungry?”
- “Could you be missing daddy while he’s traveling?”
- “Is something bothering you at school?”
This curiosity-first approach helps you address root causes instead of just symptoms. It also shows your child that you see them as whole people with complex feelings, not problems to be solved.
8) You can hold boundaries with empathy
- “I know you really want another cookie, and the answer is still no.”
- “You’re mad that screen time is over. That makes sense. And it’s time to turn it off.”
If you can validate feelings while maintaining limits, you’re demonstrating advanced emotional intelligence. You’re teaching that all feelings are acceptable, but not all behaviors are.
This is incredibly hard when you’re tired and they’re pushing every button. Progress, not perfection, right?
9) You model emotional regulation (even imperfectly)
Your kids are always watching. When you take deep breaths before responding to a frustrating situation, when you say “I need a moment to calm down,” when you use your words instead of yelling (most of the time), you’re teaching by example.
They also see when you struggle and try again. That’s perhaps even more valuable than getting it right every time.
The beauty of good enough
If you recognized yourself in even half of these signs, breathe easier. You’re doing better than you think.
The very fact that you question yourself shows awareness. The fact that you’re reading about emotional intelligence shows commitment to growth. Your kids don’t need a perfect parent. They need a real one who’s trying, failing, repairing, and trying again.
Some days you’ll nail it. Other days you’ll serve cereal for dinner and count it as a win that everyone survived. Both are okay.
What matters is showing up, staying curious about your kids’ inner worlds, and being willing to look at your own. That’s emotional intelligence in action.
And if you’re doing that while second-guessing yourself the whole way? Well, join the club. We meet at 3 AM for worry sessions and somehow still manage to raise pretty amazing humans.
Trust yourself a little more. You’re exactly the parent your kids need.
