Yesterday morning, I watched my five-year-old carefully pour water for her little brother without being asked. She even remembered to use his favorite cup with the dinosaurs on it.
As she handed it to him, she said the exact words I use: “Here you go, buddy. I got you.” It hit me right then that she wasn’t just being helpful. She was mirroring what she sees every single day.
We talk a lot about teaching our kids the right values, but here’s what I’ve learned: They’re watching everything we do, not just listening to what we say.
And when we get it right (which definitely isn’t all the time), we’re not just parenting. We’re actually showing them how to move through the world with intention, kindness, and strength.
So how do you know if you’re truly leading by example? Here are nine signs I’ve noticed in my own journey that show you’re on the right track.
1) Your kids use your calming phrases with others
The other day at the park, I overheard my daughter talking to a crying friend. “Tell me more,” she said gently. “I’m listening.”
Those are my exact words, the ones I use when she’s upset about something. Hearing them come out of her mouth to comfort someone else? That’s when you know your approach is sinking in.
When your children start using your language of empathy and understanding with their siblings, friends, or even their stuffed animals, you’re witnessing the ripple effect of your leadership.
They’re not just parroting words. They’re absorbing a way of being present for others.
2) You apologize to your kids when you mess up
Last week, I snapped at my toddler for spilling juice right when we needed to leave. The look on his face reminded me that my reaction was way bigger than the situation called for. So I knelt down, looked him in the eye, and said, “I’m sorry I raised my voice.
That wasn’t kind. You were trying to help clean up, and I should have been more patient.”
Leading by example means showing your kids that everyone makes mistakes, including mom and dad.
When you practice repair quickly after losing patience, you’re teaching them that relationships can handle imperfection and that making things right matters more than being right.
3) Your daily rituals become their anchors
Every morning during my first cup of coffee, I take a moment for gratitude. Just a quiet minute to think about three things I’m thankful for.
Now my daughter has started doing the same thing with her morning glass of milk. “I’m grateful for sunny days, our garden tomatoes, and cuddles,” she announced yesterday.
These small rituals you practice, whether it’s gratitude, deep breathing, or a family walk after dinner, become the framework your children use to navigate their own days. They learn that taking care of your inner world is just as important as brushing your teeth.
4) They mirror your problem-solving approach
Have you ever watched your child tackle a challenge and thought, “That’s exactly how I would handle it”?
When my daughter’s block tower kept falling down, instead of having a meltdown, she stepped back, looked at it differently, and tried a new base design.
It’s the same approach she’s seen me take countless times when dinner plans fall through or when the garden isn’t growing as expected.
Children who see you work through problems calmly and creatively learn to do the same. They understand that obstacles are puzzles to solve, not disasters to fear.
5) You prioritize connection over perfection
Some days, the house is a disaster, dinner is cereal, and everyone’s in yesterday’s clothes. But we’re laughing together on the floor building the world’s longest train track. These are the days when leadership shines brightest.
When you consistently choose presence over perfection, your kids learn that relationships matter more than appearances. They grow up understanding that love isn’t conditional on having it all together.
Connection over perfection isn’t just a nice phrase; it becomes the foundation of how they’ll build relationships throughout their lives.
6) Your kids feel safe expressing all emotions
“Nothing you do will make me love you less.” I whisper this at bedtime, especially on the hard days. The days with tantrums, mistakes, or big feelings.
And you know what? Both my kids now freely express when they’re angry, sad, or frustrated, because they know those feelings won’t push me away.
Creating emotional safety through consistent, unconditional love teaches children that all parts of them are acceptable. They learn to process emotions rather than suppress them, setting them up for healthier relationships as they grow.
7) They adopt your values naturally
We’ve never forced our low-screen, nature-focused lifestyle on our kids, but they’ve absorbed it anyway.
My daughter now asks to go outside instead of watching TV, and my son brings me books instead of reaching for the tablet. They see us choosing fresh air and dirt under our fingernails over screens, and they’re following suit.
When your values are lived rather than preached, children integrate them naturally. They’re not following rules; they’re following examples.
8) Your self-care becomes their normal
Taking time for myself used to feel selfish until I realized what I was modeling. Now when I say, “Mommy needs ten minutes to reset,” my kids understand. My daughter has even started asking for her own “quiet time” when she feels overwhelmed.
By taking care of your own needs without guilt, you teach your children that self-care is necessary, not selfish. They learn to recognize and honor their own needs for rest and restoration.
9) They show compassion without prompting
Watching my son share his last strawberry with his sister without anyone asking him to, or seeing my daughter comfort a friend who skinned their knee, these unprompted acts of kindness are the ultimate signs that your leadership is taking root.
When children naturally extend compassion to others, they’re showing you that empathy has become part of who they are, not just something they do when adults are watching.
Finding your rhythm
Leading by example doesn’t mean being perfect. Trust me, I lose my patience, burn dinner, and sometimes let them watch an extra show just to get through the day.
But it’s in the overall pattern of our days, in the accumulation of small moments and conscious choices, that real leadership happens.
Your kids are watching, absorbing, and becoming. Every time you choose kindness over harshness, patience over panic, or connection over control, you’re not just parenting.
You’re showing them what it looks like to be a whole, caring human in this world. And honestly? That’s the most powerful lesson we can offer them.
