There’s a moment that happens in most people’s lives when they realize the world has shifted underneath them.
The ways they’ve always done things suddenly feel out of step.
Younger colleagues or family members look confused or uncomfortable when certain topics come up or certain behaviors emerge.
It’s not that you’ve changed. It’s that the culture around you has evolved, and some of your habits haven’t kept pace.
This isn’t about abandoning your values or pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s about recognizing that certain behaviors, which may have been perfectly normal in your formative years, now create distance in relationships with younger generations.
Psychology shows that when you were born genuinely affects your attitudes, values, and behaviors.
But awareness of generational differences can help bridge gaps rather than widen them.
Here are eight outdated habits that might be making you harder to connect with, especially for younger people.
1) Dismissing mental health conversations as weakness or oversharing
Conversations about therapy, anxiety, depression, or emotional struggles were often considered taboo or signs of weakness in previous generations. You might have been taught to keep such things private, to handle them on your own, or to simply push through without complaint.
But younger generations view mental health completely differently. They see therapy as proactive self-care, not last-resort crisis management. They talk openly about their struggles because they understand that vulnerability creates connection rather than undermining it.
When someone mentions they’re seeing a therapist or having a tough mental health day, responding with “Everyone has problems, you just have to deal with it” or “Back in my day, we didn’t need all that” creates immediate distance.
It suggests you don’t understand or value what’s important to them. It shuts down conversation and makes you seem out of touch or dismissive.
You don’t have to adopt every aspect of modern mental health culture. But recognizing that younger people view these conversations as normal and healthy, rather than signs of fragility, helps maintain connection.
2) Insisting on phone calls when text or email would work better
You might prefer phone calls because they feel more personal or efficient to you. But for many younger people, unexpected phone calls feel intrusive and anxiety-inducing.
They’re interruptions that demand immediate attention, often at inconvenient times. They require being “on” in a way that text communication doesn’t. And they lack the documentation that written communication provides.
Calling someone without warning, especially for information that could easily be texted, signals that you either don’t understand or don’t care about their communication preferences. It suggests your preference matters more than theirs.
This doesn’t mean phone calls are bad. For complex or emotional conversations, they’re often the best option. But insisting on calling for simple questions, or getting offended when someone doesn’t answer and requests you text instead, creates friction.
Adapting your communication style to match what works for the other person isn’t weakness or caving. It’s basic respect for how they function best.
3) Making jokes that punch down or rely on outdated stereotypes
Humor evolves. What was considered a harmless joke twenty or thirty years ago might now be recognized as humor that comes at the expense of marginalized groups.
Jokes about gender roles, ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientation, body size, or disabilities might have gotten laughs in certain circles in the past. But they’re increasingly recognized as humor that reinforces harmful stereotypes or makes certain people feel excluded or diminished.
When younger people don’t laugh at these jokes, or worse, when they look uncomfortable or call them out, responding with “Everyone’s so sensitive now” or “You can’t joke about anything anymore” widens the gap.
It suggests you’re more committed to your right to make certain jokes than to understanding why those jokes might be hurtful. It makes younger people see you as someone who doesn’t care about inclusivity or kindness.
You don’t have to find every modern boundary on humor reasonable. But recognizing that humor that makes others feel small isn’t actually that funny helps you connect better across generational lines.
4) Refusing to learn basic technology or constantly asking for help with simple tasks
Technology changes rapidly, and no one expects you to master every new platform or device. But completely refusing to learn, or constantly needing help with tasks you’ve been shown multiple times, creates resentment.
It positions you as someone who expects others to accommodate your unwillingness to adapt. It suggests you don’t value their time or believe you need to meet them halfway.
Younger people have grown up with technology as an integral part of their lives. When you refuse to learn how to send a text with a photo attachment, navigate basic email, or use video calls after being shown repeatedly, it doesn’t come across as charming or endearing. It comes across as stubborn or entitled.
Learning doesn’t mean you have to love technology or use every feature. It means making a genuine effort to master the basics so you’re not constantly dependent on others for tasks they find simple.
5) Dominating conversations with “back in my day” stories
Sharing experiences and perspectives from your past can be valuable. Generational differences emerge through shared consciousness developed from common exposure to formative events, so your stories carry real historical and cultural context.
But constantly framing current situations through the lens of how much harder or different things were in your youth becomes tiresome fast.
“Back in my day, we didn’t have GPS and we figured it out just fine” in response to someone using navigation apps doesn’t add value. It just suggests you think your way was superior and that current methods are somehow lesser.
When every conversation about challenges, changes, or choices gets redirected to comparisons with how things used to be, younger people start to tune out. They feel like you’re not really listening to them or their reality. They feel like you’re more interested in asserting the superiority of your experiences than in understanding theirs.
Sharing your perspective works best when it’s offered as context, not comparison. When it adds to the conversation rather than shutting it down.
6) Maintaining rigid views about how things “should” be done
There’s usually more than one effective way to accomplish most tasks. But if you’ve done something a certain way for decades, it can feel like that’s the only right way.
Insisting that thank-you notes must be handwritten, that certain foods can only be prepared specific ways, or that particular social protocols are the only acceptable ones creates unnecessary conflict.
It positions you as inflexible and suggests you value tradition over effectiveness or personal preference. It makes younger people feel like they’re constantly being judged against standards they didn’t agree to and don’t find relevant.
This doesn’t mean abandoning all standards or accepting that anything goes. It means recognizing that many of the “rules” you grew up with were cultural conventions of a specific time and place, not universal truths.
Being open to the possibility that different approaches might work equally well, or even better in different contexts, keeps you more connected to people who’ve grown up with different norms.
7) Treating service workers or retail employees as beneath you
How you treat people in service positions reveals a lot about your character. And younger generations are watching.
Snapping fingers at servers, speaking condescendingly to cashiers, making demands without please or thank you, or complaining about young workers in front of them creates discomfort and judgment from younger people present.
Research shows that sociocultural changes affect how generations view one another, and younger generations tend to place high value on treating all people with equal respect regardless of their role or position.
When you act like service workers should be grateful for your business or treat them as inconveniences rather than people doing their jobs, younger people don’t see you as someone with high standards.
They see you as someone with poor character.
8) Refusing to update language when informed it’s harmful
Language evolves. Terms that were once standard become recognized as offensive or outdated. When someone, especially someone from an affected group, lets you know that a particular word or phrase is hurtful, how you respond matters enormously.
Responding with defensiveness, insisting you didn’t mean anything bad by it, or continuing to use the term because “that’s what we’ve always called it” sends a clear message: your comfort with familiar language is more important than others’ dignity.
Younger people watching this interaction learn something important about you. They learn that when faced with new information about how your words affect others, you choose defensiveness over growth.
You don’t have to understand or agree with every language shift. But when someone tells you a term is harmful and asks you not to use it, adapting isn’t weakness. It’s basic kindness.
Conclusion
None of these habits make you a bad person. They’re behaviors that were often normal, even valued, in the contexts where you learned them.
But cultures shift. Norms evolve. What worked for connection and respect in one era can create distance and discomfort in another.
Adapting doesn’t mean abandoning your values or pretending to be someone you’re not. It means recognizing that some of your automatic behaviors might be creating barriers you don’t intend.
You can maintain your core values while updating the habits that express them. You can hold onto what matters most while releasing what no longer serves connection.
