Here’s something I’m still learning: the loudest voice in the room doesn’t automatically earn the most respect.
For years, I thought I needed to have all the answers. As a kindergarten teacher, I’d rehearse what I’d say in parent meetings, anxious about coming across as knowledgeable. When friends questioned my choice to use cloth diapers or co-sleep with Ellie, I’d launch into these long explanations, trying to prove I’d done my research.
Exhausting, right?
The thing is, quiet confidence isn’t about being passive or backing down from what matters. It’s about being so secure in yourself that you don’t need constant validation from others.
And I’ve noticed something interesting—the more I’ve worked on these subtle everyday habits, the more people seem to genuinely respect what I have to say.
1) You listen way more than you speak
There’s this moment that happens at the farmers’ market sometimes. Someone starts telling me about their parenting struggles, and I can feel myself wanting to jump in with advice or my own similar story.
But I’ve learned to just…wait. To really listen.
When you give someone your full attention—not just waiting for your turn to talk—something shifts. They feel heard. And ironically, they’re way more likely to value your input when you finally do share it.
Matt and I do this thing every evening after the kids are asleep. We ask each other, “How was your day really?” Not the surface-level stuff. Then we just listen. No fixing, no comparing whose day was harder. Just listening.
As Brené Brown has noted, “we are wired for connection. It’s in our biology. From the time we are born, we need connection to thrive emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually” When you offer that to someone through genuine listening, you become someone they respect.
2) You keep your word, even on small things
If I tell Ellie we’ll make playdough after lunch, we make playdough after lunch. If I promise to send an article draft by Tuesday, it’s there by Tuesday.
These tiny promises might seem insignificant. But here’s what I’ve learned: people are watching. Not in a judgy way—they’re just noting whether your words and actions line up.When you consistently follow through, even on things that seem minor, you build a reputation for reliability. And that’s magnetic. People know they can count on you, which is honestly one of the highest forms of respect.
This doesn’t mean never changing plans—life happens, especially with two little ones. But when something shifts, I communicate it. “Hey, I know I said we’d do that today, but Milo’s not feeling well. Can we reschedule?”
3) You don’t over-explain your choices
When I first transitioned to more natural parenting, I felt like I needed to justify every single choice. Someone would notice I was using essential oils for Milo’s stuffy nose, and I’d launch into this whole thing about why we avoid conventional medicine when possible.
Looking back, I was seeking approval. I wanted people to think I’d made the “right” choice.
Now? If someone asks, I’ll share. But I don’t feel the need to build a case for every decision. “This works for our family” is a complete sentence.
The truth is, confident people don’t need everyone to agree with them. And when you stop defending every choice, something interesting happens—people actually take you more seriously.
4) You set boundaries calmly
This one’s been huge for me, especially with family. My parents think some of my parenting choices are too “hippie,” as they like to say. And for a while, I’d either cave to keep the peace or get defensive.
Neither worked.
Setting boundaries without apologizing or getting emotional has been a game-changer. “I appreciate your concern, but we’ve decided co-sleeping works for us” is so much more effective than a 20-minute defensive monologue.
When you can state your limits clearly and stick to them—without anger, without guilt—people respect that. They might not agree, but they respect it.
5) You admit when you’re wrong
Last week, I completely forgot about Ellie’s show-and-tell day. She was heartbroken. And instead of making excuses about how busy I’ve been with work and Milo, I just said, “I messed up. I’m really sorry, sweetheart. Let’s figure out how I can do better next time.”
Owning your mistakes doesn’t make you look weak. It makes you look human and trustworthy.
I think we sometimes confuse confidence with infallibility. Like if we admit we were wrong, people will lose respect for us. But it’s actually the opposite. People respect someone who can say “I was wrong” way more than someone who twists themselves into knots trying to be right all the time.
6) You stay calm when others aren’t
At the playground last month, another parent got really heated about the kids’ turn-taking on the slide. She was yelling, getting worked up, making it a bigger deal than it needed to be.
I didn’t match her energy. I just stayed calm, acknowledged her feelings, and suggested a solution.
Here’s what I’ve noticed: when you can keep your cool when everyone else is losing theirs, you become the person others look to. You become steady ground in shaky moments.
This doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings or being emotionless. I still get frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed—I just try not to react immediately. I take a breath. I pause.
Stephen Covey taught about seeking first to understand, then to be understood. When tensions are high and you can be the one who listens first and responds thoughtfully, that’s powerful.
7) You’re comfortable with silence
This one still challenges me. That urge to fill every pause in conversation? It’s real.
But I’m learning that silence isn’t awkward unless you make it awkward. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is just…not speak. Let the moment breathe. Let people sit with their thoughts.
When someone shares something heavy and I don’t immediately jump in with “Oh, I know exactly how you feel,” that silence communicates something important: I’m here with you. I’m not trying to fix it or minimize it or make it about me.
Confident people don’t fear quiet. They trust that they don’t need to constantly prove their value through words.
Final thoughts
Learning these habits hasn’t been linear for me. Some days I nail it. Other days I’m over-explaining my dinner choices to the lady at the grocery store checkout.
But here’s what I’m noticing: the more I practice this kind of quiet confidence, the less I care about impressing people—and ironically, the more they seem to respect what I bring to the table.
These aren’t about becoming someone you’re not. They’re about shedding the need for constant validation and trusting that who you are is enough. When you do that? People feel it.
And that’s when respect shows up—not because you demanded it, but because you earned it simply by being solidly, calmly yourself.
