You know what keeps me up at night sometimes? Not worries about my health or finances, but wondering if I’m being the kind of grandfather my grandkids will remember fondly when they’re my age.
Last weekend, my youngest grandchild asked me why I always have time for them when their parents are so busy. That simple question got me thinking about what really matters in these precious years we have together.
Being a grandparent is different from being a parent. The pressure’s off in some ways, but the opportunity to make a lasting impact is just as real. Maybe even more so, because we have something now that we didn’t have as young parents: perspective.
After spending countless weekends at the park with my four grandkids (they range from three to eleven), I’ve noticed certain things that light up their faces every single time. Not expensive toys or fancy outings, but simple, consistent actions that tell them they matter.
1. Show up consistently, even when it’s inconvenient
Here’s the thing about kids: they notice patterns. They notice when you say you’ll be there and you are. They also notice when you’re not.
My eleven-year-old granddaughter had a school play last month. Nothing fancy, just a twenty-minute production on a Tuesday afternoon. But when she spotted me in the audience, her whole face changed. That look alone was worth rearranging my entire week.
Consistency doesn’t mean you have to be available 24/7. It means when you make a commitment, you keep it. Whether it’s your weekly park visit or showing up for their soccer game, your presence becomes something they can count on.
Think about it this way: in a world where everything feels uncertain to a child, you become their constant. That’s powerful stuff.
2. Listen without immediately offering solutions
This one took me years to learn, and I’m still working on it. When my grandkids tell me about a problem, my first instinct is to fix it. But sometimes they just need someone to hear them.
Last week, my eight-year-old grandson was upset about a friend situation at school. Twenty years ago, I would have launched into advice mode immediately. Instead, I just listened. Asked a few questions. Let him talk it through.
You know what happened? He figured out the solution himself. All he needed was someone to bounce his thoughts off of.
When we jump straight to problem-solving, we rob our grandkids of two things: the feeling of being truly heard and the confidence that comes from working through their own challenges. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give is our undivided attention.
3. Share your stories, including your failures
Kids think adults have it all figured out. What a joke, right? The truth is, we’re all still learning, and sharing that reality with our grandkids is incredibly valuable.
I’ve started telling my grandkids about times I messed up. Not in a heavy way, but in context when it fits. Like when my granddaughter was devastated about not making the school choir, I told her about getting cut from my high school basketball team. How it felt awful at the time but led me to discover I actually loved running instead.
Vulnerability creates connection. When we share our imperfect stories, we give our grandkids permission to be imperfect too. We show them that failure isn’t the end of the story; it’s often just the beginning of a better chapter.
4. Create traditions that belong just to you and them
Every Saturday morning, weather permitting, my local grandkids and I head to the park. It’s become our thing. Not their parents’ thing, not a family thing, but our special tradition.
These don’t have to be elaborate. Maybe it’s teaching them to play chess. Maybe it’s baking cookies together every holiday. Maybe it’s a secret handshake only you two know.
What matters is that it’s consistent and it’s yours. These traditions become the memories they’ll carry forever. Forty years from now, they might not remember the expensive toy you bought them, but they’ll remember those Saturday mornings at the park.
5. Respect their parents’ rules while being a safe harbor
This is a delicate balance, but it’s crucial. You’re not there to undermine their parents, but you can be the person they come to when they need a different perspective.
Being the safe harbor doesn’t mean letting them get away with everything. It means being the calm in their storm. When they’re in trouble with Mom and Dad, you can listen without judgment while still supporting the parents’ decisions.
I keep a simple journal, and one pattern I’ve noticed is that my grandkids open up most when I’m not trying to parent them. They share their real thoughts when they know I’m on their team, even if I don’t always agree with their choices.
6. Teach them practical skills with patience
Remember learning to tie your shoes? Someone had to show you, probably multiple times. That’s our job now, and we have something we might not have had as young parents: patience.
I’m teaching my oldest grandson basic woodworking. We’re building a birdhouse, and honestly, I could have finished it myself in an hour. But watching him learn to measure twice and cut once, seeing his pride when he gets it right, that’s worth the extra time.
Whether it’s cooking, fishing, gardening, or changing a tire, these practical lessons do more than teach skills. They create bonding moments and show your grandkids that you believe in their ability to learn and grow.
7. Love them for who they are, not who you hope they’ll become
This might be the most important one. Your grandkids are not do-over opportunities for your parenting. They’re complete individuals with their own dreams, struggles, and paths.
My youngest grandchild is nothing like I was at that age. Where I was quiet and bookish, this kid is a non-stop ball of energy and noise. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. My job isn’t to mold them into some ideal; it’s to love them exactly as they are.
When kids feel truly accepted, they flourish. When they know Grandpa or Grandma loves them whether they’re class president or struggling in school, whether they’re athletic or artistic, that unconditional love becomes their foundation for life.
Closing thoughts
Being a grandparent is like getting a second chance at witnessing the magic of childhood, but this time with wisdom we didn’t have the first time around.
The beauty is, we don’t have to be perfect. We just have to be present, patient, and genuinely interested in who these amazing little humans are becoming.
I retired at sixty-three, earlier than planned, and some days I wonder what legacy I’m leaving. Then I spend a Saturday morning at the park with my grandkids, and I know exactly what it is: the memory of someone who always had time for them, who listened to their stories, and who loved them fiercely and without condition.
What traditions are you creating with your grandkids that they’ll remember forever?
