Parenting is full of moments where you’re convinced you’re screwing everything up.
You lose your patience. You handle something poorly. You compare yourself to other parents who seem to have it all figured out while you’re just trying to get through bedtime without a meltdown (yours or theirs).
Back when my kids were younger, I often had those kinds of days. The kind where I felt like the worst parent on the planet.
But now that they’re older and I watch them behaving in ways that make my mama heart happy, I realize that we’re often too hard on ourselves.
The truth is, parenting wins are often quiet. They’re the small, unprompted things your kids do when they think no one’s watching. The behaviors that show your values actually took root, even when you were convinced nothing was getting through.
If your child does these things without being asked, you’re doing something right:
1. They apologize when they’ve hurt someone
Not the forced “say you’re sorry” apologies that kids mumble while staring at their feet. I’m talking about genuine apologies that come from them, unprompted, because they actually recognize they hurt someone and feel bad about it.
I knew I was doing something right when I witnessed my older son apologizing to his younger brother. He’d been in a foul mood and snapped at his brother when the latter asked him an innocent question.
Later, he took it upon himself to apologize for his rudeness.
No one told him to apologize. He just recognized his impact and wanted to make it right.
That kind of apology shows emotional awareness and empathy. You can force the words, but you can’t force the genuine recognition and remorse.
That comes from modeling, from countless examples of apologies they’ve witnessed, from an environment where mistakes are acknowledged rather than hidden.
2. They help someone who’s struggling
Kids who’ve been raised with compassion don’t wait to be told to help. They just see a need and respond to it.
Carrying something for someone with full hands. Helping a younger kid who’s having trouble with something. Offering their snack to a friend who forgot lunch. Small acts that they do naturally, without looking for praise or reward.
That’s not something you can teach through lectures. Kids learn compassion by experiencing it themselves, by watching it modeled, by growing up in an environment where helping others is just what people do.
3. They tell the truth even when it’s hard
When your kid admits they broke something, or didn’t do their homework, or made a mistake, without you having to drag it out of them, that’s a sign of something important.
It means they trust you enough to be vulnerable.
When he was younger, one of my kids spilled juice all over my laptop. He could have hidden it or blamed it on the other one. Instead, he came to me immediately, obviously nervous, and said, “I accidentally spilled juice on your computer. I’m really sorry.”
Was I frustrated? Yes. But I was also proud that he told the truth when lying would have been easier.
Kids who tell the truth without prompting have learned that honesty is valued more than perfection. They’ve grown up in an environment where telling the truth doesn’t result in disproportionate punishment or shame.
4. They stick up for someone being treated unfairly
When they see someone being excluded, bullied, or treated unfairly, and they speak up or step in without being told to, that’s character. That’s courage. That’s knowing what’s right and choosing it even when it’s uncomfortable.
This is actually one of my proudest moments. I’m no perfect mom, but I did allow myself a little high-five when I heard from my son’s teacher that he’d stood up for a classmate who was being teased. The other kids were making fun of this girl’s handwriting, and my son apparently said, “That’s mean. Everyone’s handwriting looks different and that’s okay.”
He didn’t tell me about it. He just saw something wrong and addressed it because that’s what felt right to him.
Kids don’t do this naturally. They learn it by watching adults model it, by growing up in homes where fairness and justice are valued, where standing up for others is normalized even when it’s hard.
5. They take care of their responsibilities
I’m not talking about perfection. I’m talking about kids who generally remember their homework, who do their chores without constant nagging, who follow through on commitments they’ve made.
My son feeds our dog every morning without being reminded. He set his own alarm for it. Sometimes he forgets and we have to prompt him, but most of the time, he just does it because he knows the dog depends on him.
That kind of self-discipline doesn’t come from threats or punishments. It comes from understanding cause and effect, from experiencing natural consequences, from being given age-appropriate responsibilities and the space to handle them.
When kids take care of their responsibilities without constant oversight, it shows they’re developing autonomy and accountability.
6. They express gratitude
Genuine thank yous that aren’t prompted. Appreciation for small things that most kids wouldn’t even notice.
When a child randomly thanks you for making dinner, or tells their teacher they appreciated something specific about class, or expresses gratitude for something they received or experienced without being told to say thank you, that’s significant.
Kids who express unprompted gratitude have learned to notice what others do for them. They’ve grown up seeing gratitude modeled, hearing it expressed, experiencing it themselves.
You can make kids say thank you, but you can’t make them feel it or express it genuinely when no one’s prompting them. That comes from an internal place, from truly noticing and valuing what others contribute to their lives.
7. They regulate their emotions (or at least try to)
Kids are kids, and big feelings are part of growing up. And more often than not, they’d have a hard time handling those.
But when your child starts to recognize their own emotional state and does something about it without you having to manage it for them, that’s emotional intelligence developing.
Taking themselves to their room when they’re getting overwhelmed. Using breathing techniques or other coping strategies you’ve taught them. Asking for space when they need it.
These are signs that they’ve been absorbing everything you’ve tried to impart.
The bottom line
Here’s what I wish more parents understood: you’re probably doing better than you think.
Parenting is full of moments where you feel like you’re failing. Where you lose your patience, where you handle something badly, where you compare yourself to other parents and come up short.
But the real measure of parenting isn’t in those moments. It’s in the quiet, unprompted behaviors your kids show when they think no one’s watching.
These behaviors don’t happen by accident. They happen because something you did, something you modeled, something you taught, actually took root. Even when you were convinced nothing was getting through.
So if your child does any of these things, even some of the time, even imperfectly, give yourself some credit.
You’re raising a human being with empathy, integrity, responsibility, and emotional awareness. You’re doing something right, even on the days when it doesn’t feel like it.
The fact that you’re worried about whether you’re a good parent probably means you are one. Bad parents don’t question themselves.
But you do. And your kids are showing you, in small unprompted ways, that your effort matters. That your values are getting through. That you’re doing better than you think.
