Looking back on my own childhood, I realize now just how much my parents gave up without ever making a big deal about it. And honestly? I didn’t get it until I had kids of my own.
Parenthood has a funny way of opening your eyes. Suddenly, those small acts of selflessness your parents performed day in and day out take on a whole new meaning.
Today, I want to share seven sacrifices our Boomer parents made that most of us only truly appreciated once we became parents ourselves.
1. Their personal dreams and ambitions
A few years back, I was sitting on my father’s porch when the topic of his younger years came up.
He mentioned, almost in passing, that he’d wanted to be a jazz musician. Had the talent for it too. But when my mother got pregnant with me, he put down his saxophone and picked up a steady office job instead.
“No regrets,” he said with a smile. But I saw something wistful in his eyes.
That conversation hit me hard. By then, I was a parent myself, and I understood the weight of that choice.
Our Boomer parents shelved their own aspirations to provide stability. They chose the predictable over the passionate, the secure over the exciting. And they did it without complaint, because that’s what they believed good parents did.
2. Quality time with their spouse
Here’s something that didn’t click until much later: my parents barely went on dates when I was growing up.
I can count on one hand the number of times they went out alone together during my childhood. And when they did? My mom spent the whole evening worrying about us kids, calling home to check in.
Now that I’m navigating parenthood with my own partner, I get it. The pros over at the Greater Good Science Center note that maintaining couple time is crucial for relationship health, yet it’s the first thing to go when kids arrive.
Between school pickups, homework help, and shuttling us to activities, our parents’ relationship took a back seat. They prioritized being present for us over nurturing their own connection.
Many of us only recognize this sacrifice when we’re struggling to keep the romance alive in our own marriages while juggling the demands of parenthood.
3. Their physical health and energy
This one struck me during a recent walk with my grandchildren.
My mind drifted to all those times my dad came home from work exhausted but still played catch with me in the backyard. Or how my mother stayed up late helping with school projects, only to wake at dawn to make breakfast before heading to her own job.
They ran themselves ragged for us, neglecting their own health in the process. Skipped doctor’s appointments. Ate whatever was quickest rather than healthiest. Put off that gym membership year after year because the money could be better spent on our activities.
The team at Mayo Clinic has long emphasized the importance of self-care for parents, but our Boomer parents didn’t have that language. They just pushed through, at the expense of their own wellbeing.
4. Their social lives and friendships
My mother turned down countless invitations from her friends. “Maybe next time,” she’d say, because one of us had a recital, or a game, or just needed her at home.
Her world became smaller, more centered around us kids. I never gave it a second thought until I became a parent myself and felt that same pull.
Maintaining friendships takes time and energy—two things in short supply when you’re raising children. Our Boomer parents let those connections fade, not because they wanted to, but because there simply weren’t enough hours in the day.
I’m not saying this was always the right choice, but it’s a sacrifice many of them made without hesitation.
5. Financial security for their own future
Now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t include this one.
Our parents stretched every dollar to give us opportunities they never had. Piano lessons. Summer camps. College funds. Better neighborhoods with better schools, even if it meant a tighter budget.
I’ve mentioned this before in previous posts, but it bears repeating: many Boomer parents prioritized our futures over their own retirement savings. They figured they’d work longer, save later, make it up somehow.
Ray Dalio, someone whose financial wisdom I deeply respect, once noted that “the biggest mistake most people make is not seeing themselves and others objectively.” Our parents saw us so clearly—our potential, our needs, our dreams—but lost sight of their own financial futures in the process.
Some are paying the price now, working well into their retirement years because they gave so much to us when we were young.
6. Personal space and privacy
Before we finish, there’s one more thing I need to address.
Our parents gave up their personal space—both physical and mental—in ways we rarely acknowledged.
Their bedroom became the place we’d run to during thunderstorms. Their quiet Saturday mornings turned into chauffeur duty. Their thoughts were constantly occupied with our schedules, our problems, our needs.
I thought nothing of barging into my parents’ room at any hour. Now, as a grandfather myself, I realize how precious those moments of solitude must have been to them.
They created space for us by surrendering their own. And they did it so naturally that we never even noticed.
7. The freedom to make spontaneous choices
And here’s one I really don’t want you to miss: the sheer freedom to be spontaneous.
Want to take a weekend trip? Can’t—kids have activities. Interested in moving to a new city? Nope—kids are settled in school. Thinking about a career change? Better wait—need that steady income.
Every decision our parents made had to factor us in. Their lives became a series of calculated choices rather than spontaneous adventures.
Look, I’m still figuring things out myself, but this might be the quietest sacrifice of all. They essentially put their lives on pause, waiting for us to grow up, move out, become independent.
Final thoughts
Here’s what I’ve learned through my own journey as a parent and now grandparent: our Boomer parents weren’t perfect. They made mistakes, just like we all do. But they sacrificed in ways both big and small, without recognition or thanks.
Understanding these sacrifices doesn’t mean we owe them endless guilt or obligation. It gives us perspective. It helps us appreciate what we had, forgive what we didn’t, and perhaps make more conscious choices in our own parenting.
If your parents are still around, maybe it’s worth having a conversation about these things. Not to heap praise on them (though that’s nice too), but to truly understand their journey. You might be surprised by what you learn.
And if you’re a parent yourself? Give yourself some credit. The sacrifices you’re making now might not be obvious to your kids yet. But one day, when they’re standing in your shoes, they’ll finally understand.
