Look, I love my parents. They did their best with what they knew at the time.
But when I tell them about modern parenting safety guidelines, they look at me like I’ve joined a cult. “We raised you just fine!” they say, while describing childhoods that would literally have CPS knocking on doors today.
The generational divide in parenting isn’t just about organic snacks versus Wonder Bread. It’s about fundamental safety practices that have evolved based on decades of research, accident data, and child development studies.
Yet many boomer grandparents still defend these practices as “character building” or dismiss concerns as helicopter parenting.
Here’s the thing: acknowledging that past practices were dangerous doesn’t mean our parents were bad people. It means we’ve learned better ways to keep kids safe while still letting them develop independence and resilience.
1. Leaving kids in hot cars while “just running in for a minute”
My mom still doesn’t understand why I won’t leave my kids in the car when I grab milk from the store. “It’ll take two minutes! We used to wait in the car all the time!”
Yes, and hundreds of kids died from heatstroke. Cars can heat up 20 degrees in just 10 minutes, even with windows cracked. What seems like a quick errand can turn deadly if you get stuck in line or run into someone you know.
The scariest part? Many boomers still do this with their grandkids. They genuinely don’t grasp that a car becomes an oven, that kids can’t regulate temperature like adults, or that “cracking the windows” does virtually nothing.
2. No car seats after toddlerhood (or ever)
Remember riding loose in the back of pickup trucks? Or sitting on someone’s lap in the front seat? My dad loves telling stories about sleeping on the rear window deck during road trips.
Current guidelines recommend car seats until kids are 4’9″ tall, typically around age 8-12. But suggest this to boomer grandparents and watch their eyes roll. “You turned out fine!” they insist, forgetting all the kids who didn’t.
Physics hasn’t changed since the 1970s. A 40-pound child becomes a 1,200-pound projectile in a 30 mph crash. The only thing that’s changed is our willingness to acknowledge this reality.
3. Smoking everywhere around kids
Growing up, adults smoked in cars with windows up, in restaurants while we ate, in our homes while we played. Nobody thought twice about it. My pediatrician probably smoked during appointments.
Now we know secondhand smoke causes SIDS, asthma, ear infections, and countless other health issues. Yet some boomers still act personally offended when asked not to smoke around grandkids, as if protecting children’s lungs is somehow an attack on their freedom.
4. Letting babies sleep on their stomachs
“But babies sleep better on their tummies!” I’ve heard this from countless boomer relatives. And you know what? They’re right. Babies do sleep more deeply on their stomachs.
That’s exactly the problem.
Deep sleep combined with face-down positioning increases SIDS risk dramatically. Since the “Back to Sleep” campaign started, SIDS deaths have dropped by more than 50%.
But try explaining this to someone who raised four kids who all slept on their bellies, and you’ll get a lecture about how modern parents worry too much.
5. Using physical punishment as the primary discipline method
Spanking, belting, switching—these weren’t occasional last resorts but standard Tuesday afternoon corrections. Many boomers still proudly declare “I got whooped and I turned out fine!”
Did you though? Because defending hitting children doesn’t exactly scream emotional regulation to me.
Research consistently shows physical punishment increases aggression, mental health issues, and behavioral problems. There’s a reason it’s illegal in many countries now.
Yet suggest time-outs or natural consequences to some boomer grandparents, and they’ll mutter about “kids these days having no respect.”
6. Zero supervision for hours on end
“Be home when the streetlights come on” was considered adequate supervision. Six-year-olds wandered neighborhoods alone. Eight-year-olds babysat infants.
While I’m all for free-range parenting and building independence, there’s a difference between age-appropriate freedom and neglect. A five-year-old at a park with friends? Great. A five-year-old wandering streets alone for six hours? That’s a CPS call.
The irony? These same boomers who left us unsupervised all day now panic if my kids play in our fenced backyard without constant adult eyes on them.
7. No bike helmets, ever
Suggesting kids wear helmets gets you labeled as overprotective by many boomers. “We never wore helmets and we’re fine!”
Survivorship bias is real. The kids with traumatic brain injuries aren’t here to share their stories. Helmets reduce serious head injuries by 85%. This isn’t controversial science, yet somehow wearing basic safety equipment became a culture war issue.
8. Ignoring allergies and medical needs
Food allergies were considered pickiness. Anxiety was weakness. ADHD was laziness. Depression meant you needed more fresh air.
Boomers forced kids to eat foods they were allergic to, dismissed asthma as drama, and told kids with learning disabilities to “try harder.” Many still believe allergies are made up or that mental health struggles are character flaws.
When I mention my friend’s child has a severe peanut allergy, my parents act like it’s a personal inconvenience invented to make their lives harder.
9. Putting babies to sleep with blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals
Those adorable 1970s nurseries with fluffy bumpers, quilts, and teddy bears? They were death traps. Suffocation risks everywhere.
Current guidelines recommend bare cribs until age one. Just a fitted sheet on a firm mattress. But share a photo of a modern nursery and watch boomers comment about how “cold” and “sad” it looks.
They cannot comprehend that those beautiful quilts their mothers made killed babies. That those sweet teddy bears were suffocation hazards. Sometimes love means keeping the pretty things out of reach.
Moving forward with grace
Here’s what I’ve learned from navigating these conversations with my own parents: shame doesn’t change minds. When I approach with curiosity rather than judgment, when I say “we’ve learned so much since then” instead of “you could have killed us,” doors open instead of slam shut.
My parents are slowly coming around. They bought car seats for their car. They don’t smoke near the kids. They still think I’m overprotective about some things, but they respect my boundaries even when they don’t understand them.
Because ultimately, we all want the same thing: kids who grow up safe, healthy, and loved. The methods might change, but that goal remains constant across generations.
So no, I won’t leave my kids in hot cars or let them ride without car seats or ignore their medical needs. And if that makes me a “helicopter parent” in boomer eyes, I’ll wear that label proudly. At least my helicopters have safety features installed.
