Before having Ellie, I spent seven years in a kindergarten classroom watching hundreds of five and six-year-olds navigate their first real taste of structured learning.
You know what surprised me most? Within just a few weeks of meeting each new class, I could usually tell which kids would thrive academically, which ones would become natural leaders, and which ones would struggle unless something changed at home.
That might sound presumptuous, but patterns emerged year after year. The quiet kid who always helped clean up without being asked? They almost always became the reliable student teachers could count on. The one who melted down when their crayon broke?
If that pattern continued, they often struggled with bigger disappointments later.
Now that I’m raising my own little ones, I see these same patterns playing out at the park, at playdates, and in our own home. Here are the eight things I learned to watch for during those first crucial weeks of school.
1) How they handled “no”
Remember when your toddler threw themselves on the grocery store floor because you wouldn’t buy the sugary cereal? Well, by kindergarten, most kids have moved past the theatrical meltdowns, but their response to being told “no” still reveals volumes.
I had students who would simply shrug and move on when told they couldn’t use the special markers yet.
These kids consistently showed better emotional regulation throughout the year. They could handle criticism on their work, accept losing at games, and bounce back from friendship troubles.
Then there were the negotiators, the ones who always had a reason why the rules shouldn’t apply to them. Without intervention, these kids often became the ones constantly pushing boundaries in later grades, struggling with authority, and having difficulty accepting responsibility for their choices.
The good news? This is totally teachable. When my own kids hear “no,” we practice taking a deep breath and finding something else to do. It’s not about crushing their spirit. It’s about helping them build the resilience they’ll need when life doesn’t go their way.
2) Whether they noticed when others were struggling
Picture this: A child drops their lunch box and crackers scatter everywhere. What happens next tells you everything.
Some kids immediately bent down to help. Others stepped around the mess. A few even laughed.
By October parent-teacher conferences, I could predict with startling accuracy which kids would have strong friendships and which ones would struggle socially, just based on these early observations.
The helpers almost always developed solid friendships and became classroom leaders. Not the bossy kind, but the kind other kids naturally gravitated toward. They were invited to birthday parties, chosen for group projects, and rarely involved in playground drama.
Kids who consistently ignored or mocked others’ struggles? They often found themselves isolated by spring, wondering why nobody wanted to play with them.
3) How long they could focus on something boring
Let’s be honest: Not every moment of learning is thrilling. Sometimes you have to practice writing the letter “b” twenty times or count beans for math.
The kids who could stick with mundane tasks for even ten minutes in September were usually reading chapter books by June.
Those who constantly needed entertainment or gave up the moment something wasn’t instantly fun? They typically struggled academically, not because they weren’t smart, but because they hadn’t developed the persistence needed for learning.
I watched one student spend fifteen minutes trying to tie his shoe the first week of school, never once asking for help or giving up.
By December, he was tackling multiplication problems meant for second graders, not because he was gifted, but because he had that rare quality of sticking with things.
4) What they did when they finished early
Every classroom has fast finishers. What they chose to do with that extra time was incredibly telling.
Some grabbed a book. Others started drawing. A few would help classmates who were struggling. Then there were those who immediately started disrupting others or complaining about being bored.
The self-directed kids, the ones who could find something productive to do without being told? They consistently excelled. They became the students who did extra credit for fun, joined clubs, and pursued interests outside of school.
The ones who needed constant external stimulation often struggled with homework completion and independent projects in later grades.
5) How they responded to making mistakes
Watching a child color outside the lines or write a letter backwards revealed more about their future success than any assessment test.
Some kids would crumple their paper and demand a new one. Others would try to fix it. A few would shrug and keep going. The ones who completely melted down over small mistakes almost always struggled with bigger academic challenges later.
But here’s what fascinated me: The kids who could laugh at their mistakes or turn them into something creative were consistently the most successful learners. They weren’t afraid to try new things, ask questions, or take risks with their learning.
6) Whether they could wait their turn
Circle time was like a crystal ball for future behavior. The child who couldn’t wait to share their weekend story, constantly interrupting others?
Without intervention, they often became the student who struggled with group work, had difficulty maintaining friendships, and couldn’t follow multi-step directions.
The ones who could wait, even while practically vibrating with excitement? They developed stronger executive function skills, better relationships, and consistently performed better academically.
7) How they treated classroom materials
A child who carefully put caps back on markers and returned puzzles with all pieces to the right shelf showed respect for shared resources. These students almost always took better care of their own belongings, turned in neater work, and showed more respect for others’ property.
The ones who left scissors open on tables and books scattered on the floor? They often struggled with organization, frequently lost homework, and had messier desks and backpacks throughout their school years.
8) What stories they told themselves about challenges
This one took longer to notice, usually emerging by week three or four. When faced with something difficult, kids revealed their inner narrative.
“I can’t do this, I’m stupid” versus “This is hard, but I’ll try” might seem like a small difference, but it predicted years of academic trajectory. The kids with growth mindset language consistently improved throughout the year. Those stuck in fixed mindset thinking often plateaued or even regressed.
The takeaway
Looking back on those years in the classroom, then watching my own kids and their friends, these patterns hold remarkably true. But here’s what matters most: None of these are fixed traits. Every single one can be developed with patience, consistency, and the right support.
When I see Ellie getting frustrated with a puzzle, I remember those kindergarteners who gave up easily, and I sit beside her, not to solve it for her, but to help her develop the persistence she’ll need. When I watch my two-year-old at the park, I’m not just supervising. I’m looking for opportunities to build these crucial skills.
The beauty of recognizing these patterns early is that we have time to shape them. That child who can’t handle “no” today can learn resilience. The one who doesn’t notice others’ struggles can develop empathy.
These aren’t predictions of doom. They’re opportunities for growth, roadmaps for where to focus our parenting energy.
Because ultimately, that’s what those seven years taught me: Children are incredibly capable of change when given the right tools and support. The patterns I saw were never destiny. They were simply starting points.
