There’s something special about the bond between kids and their aunts and uncles. It’s not quite the same as the parent-child relationship. Parents carry the daily responsibility of guiding, teaching, and holding boundaries.
Aunts and uncles, though—they can swoop in with a dose of perspective, a splash of humor, and those little nuggets of wisdom that settle deep in a child’s heart.
Sometimes it’s the offhand comment that lingers. Sometimes it’s the repeated mantra that becomes a guiding principle. Either way, what we say in passing as adults can become the soundtrack kids replay in their heads long after we’ve forgotten saying it.
Here are eight of those sayings I’ve seen uncles and aunts share—the kind that tend to stick for life.
1) “You don’t have to be perfect to be loved”
I can still remember my aunt saying this to me after I spilled orange juice all over her tablecloth at age seven. My cheeks burned, and I wanted to crawl under the table.
Instead of scolding me, she laughed, grabbed a towel, and said, “Hey, you don’t have to be perfect to be loved.”
That one stuck. It’s simple, but kids often believe their worth depends on performance—grades, manners, achievements.
A reminder that love isn’t conditional can ease that tight knot in their chest. Psychologists call this unconditional positive regard, and as Carl Rogers famously noted, it’s the foundation of healthy self-esteem.
2) “Try it—you might surprise yourself”
Kids live with a lot of “I can’t.” I see it in my own daughter when she hesitates on the playground ladder or refuses a new food.
This is where uncles and aunts often shine. They can cheer from the sidelines with a phrase like, “Try it—you might surprise yourself.”
It’s not pressure, and it’s not a bribe. It’s an invitation to see themselves differently. The magic of this phrase is that it frames new experiences as opportunities rather than threats.
And because it’s coming from someone who isn’t their parent, kids may be more willing to stretch outside their comfort zones.
3) “Your weird is wonderful”
Let’s be honest: family gatherings can be hard for kids who feel a little different. Maybe they’re quieter, quirkier, or more outspoken than their cousins. One of the most powerful things an aunt or uncle can do is validate that uniqueness.
I’ve heard my brother say this to my daughter when she proudly showed him her “mud soup” creation: “Your weird is wonderful.” The way her face lit up told me that those words would carry her through the moments when kids at school might not get her.
As author Brené Brown reminds us, “What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” That’s the kind of reminder every child deserves to hear from someone they trust.
4) “It’s okay to feel how you feel”
Sometimes, kids just need permission to be human. They don’t need a lecture, a solution, or even a distraction. They need someone to say, “It’s okay to feel how you feel.”
I remember one of my uncles sitting with me in silence after a middle-school friend breakup. He didn’t try to cheer me up or tell me it wasn’t a big deal. He just said those words and stayed. That moment taught me that feelings don’t have to be fixed or hidden.
According to the Child Mind Institute, kids who are taught to name and accept emotions build stronger resilience later in life. Aunts and uncles who normalize feelings—without judgment—become anchors kids return to.
5) “Want to learn my secret trick?”
Here’s the thing: kids love learning little “inside” tricks from the grown-ups they admire. Whether it’s how to skip a rock, whistle through two fingers, or make the best pancake flip—those skills carry weight far beyond the act itself.
An uncle saying, “Want to learn my secret trick?” is really saying, “I trust you with my knowledge. You’re capable. You’re part of the circle.”
It’s not about the skill; it’s about the bond. And later, when that child is grown and passes on the “secret trick” to someone else, the echo of belonging remains.
6) “You can always call me”
There’s reassurance in knowing someone is available, even if you never take them up on it. When an aunt or uncle says, “You can always call me,” it plants a seed of safety. It tells a child: You’re not alone, even outside your parents’ orbit.
Of course, as kids grow into teens, this phrase takes on new meaning. It becomes a lifeline when they need a sounding board but don’t want to go straight to mom or dad.
And later still, as adults, they may look back and realize just how much it mattered that someone extended that open-door policy.
7) “You make this family better”
Imagine being a child and hearing that your presence—not your achievements, not your compliance, just you—makes the family better. That’s a message that settles deep into the bones.
My sister once said this to my son after he spent an entire afternoon trying to “fix” her squeaky back door with toy tools. She hugged him and said, “You make this family better.” He beamed as if he’d just built a skyscraper.
This kind of affirmation doesn’t just boost a child’s mood. It reinforces their sense of belonging, something family researchers consistently note is a cornerstone of emotional health.
8) “I love watching you grow”
There’s a difference between “I love you” and “I love watching you grow.” One is unconditional love, which is essential. The other adds a layer of celebration and presence.
When kids hear an aunt or uncle say, “I love watching you grow,” it tells them that someone is paying attention—noticing the little shifts, the new skills, the blooming personality. It says, You’re worth seeing. I delight in who you’re becoming.
As child development expert Dr. Gordon Neufeld has pointed out, “Children do not experience our intentions, no matter how heartfelt. They experience what we manifest in tone and behavior.” Words like these make that intention tangible.
Final thoughts
Kids don’t always remember the toy we bought them, or the exact details of that summer trip. But they remember the words we planted in their hearts.
Uncles and aunts have this beautiful in-between role—less pressure than parents, but enough influence to leave a lasting mark. The sayings don’t have to be profound or polished. What matters is that they carry love, encouragement, and presence.
So the next time you’re sitting with your niece or nephew—muddy shoes on the porch, giggling in a blanket fort, or riding in the backseat—don’t underestimate the power of a simple phrase. You might be giving them something they’ll carry for life.
