Let’s be honest: parenting isn’t about whether your child always says “please” or “thank you.” It’s about the small, everyday choices we make that eventually add up to how they treat the world—and how the world experiences them.
Respectful kids don’t need a script. Their words naturally carry kindness, consideration, and empathy. And when you hear those words slip out during a carpool ride or at the dinner table, you realize something powerful: your daily routines, your reminders, your gentle corrections—it’s all quietly paying off.
Here are eight simple phrases kids use that show, without you bragging or posting a highlight reel, that you’ve done the quiet, consistent work of raising them well.
1. “Can I help?”
Few things stop me in my tracks like hearing my six-year-old ask if she can help without me prompting her. Sometimes it’s setting the table, sometimes it’s feeding the dog.
What makes this so significant isn’t the chore itself—it’s the instinct to notice what needs doing and step in. That instinct doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s built when kids see adults model helping without being asked, and when they’ve been trusted with age-appropriate responsibilities at home.
Sure, sometimes the “help” makes the job messier (ask me about Emil’s attempt to mop once). But the heart behind the offer is what matters.
2. “That’s yours.”
Respectful kids recognize boundaries. I first noticed this when Greta was four and handed me back my favorite pen after trying it out for her “shop” signs. She didn’t ask if she could keep it—she just said, “That’s yours.”
It’s such a simple phrase, but it carries weight. It shows that kids understand ownership, that they don’t have to cling to everything, and that respecting other people’s belongings is second nature.
Kids learn this when we respect their space too. Knocking before entering their room, asking before borrowing their toys—those little gestures model how it’s done.
3. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
Apologies are tricky. Kids can learn to parrot “sorry” quickly, but a respectful child goes beyond the word itself. When they add “I hurt you” or “I scared you,” it shows they’ve connected the dots between their actions and someone else’s feelings.
This kind of apology takes time to cultivate. I’ll admit, it doesn’t always happen in the heat of the moment. Sometimes it comes after a quiet reminder: “How do you think your sister felt when you grabbed that from her?” But when kids practice naming the impact of their actions, empathy starts to bloom.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman, who popularized the concept of emotional intelligence, once noted that empathy is “a fundamental people skill.” Hearing your child offer a genuine apology shows they’re practicing that skill in real time.
4. “You can go first.”
One of the clearest signs of respect is when kids willingly give up the spotlight. Whether it’s letting a friend pick the first board game piece or telling their sibling they can have the first turn on the swing, this phrase reflects generosity.
In a culture that often pushes kids to “stand out” or “be the best,” it’s refreshing to see them choose fairness over always winning. And no, it doesn’t mean they never get their turn—it just means they’re learning that taking turns and showing patience builds better relationships than insisting on going first every time.
5. “Please and thank you”
Yes, I know—this one sounds obvious. But here’s the difference: a respectful child doesn’t need to be reminded every single time. They weave it naturally into conversation with grandparents, store clerks, or babysitters.
The magic isn’t in the words themselves but in the consistency. Saying “please” and “thank you” is more than politeness—it’s an acknowledgment that others matter, that their effort deserves recognition.
And here’s the secret: the more we use these words in everyday exchanges with our kids, the more they internalize them. It’s less about drilling manners and more about normalizing kindness in conversation.
6. “Are you okay?”
Compassion often shows up in the smallest moments. I’ll never forget the day Emil toddled over after I stubbed my toe on the corner of the toy bin. He looked up at me, wide-eyed, and asked, “Are you okay?”
It was such a small sentence, but it spoke volumes. Kids who notice when someone’s in pain—physical or emotional—and check in are showing that they’re tuned in beyond their own needs.
This is backed by research, too. A study published in Developmental Psychology found that children as young as three show prosocial behavior, like helping or comforting, when they’ve seen empathy modeled in their environment.
In other words, when they grow up in households where people notice and care for each other, they naturally learn to extend that same care.
7. “I like your idea.”
Respectful kids know that listening is just as important as speaking. When they validate someone else’s idea, whether it’s about what game to play or how to build the block tower, they’re practicing humility.
I notice this a lot when Greta plays with her friends. Sometimes she’ll pause her own plan and say, “I like your idea better.” It’s not about losing—it’s about valuing collaboration.
And let’s be real: this doesn’t happen every day. Kids are still kids. But when it does, it shows that they’re growing into people who can celebrate others rather than always pushing for their own way.
8. “Good job”
Encouragement isn’t something only adults can give. When kids cheer each other on, it reveals that they’ve picked up the language of affirmation at home.
The other night, Emil clapped and said “Good job, Greta!” after she finished a drawing. He didn’t say it because we prompted him—he said it because he’s grown up in a household where we celebrate each other’s small wins.
When kids notice effort in others and respond with encouragement, it reinforces that respect isn’t one-directional. It’s a circle.
Final thoughts
Raising respectful kids isn’t about perfection. It’s about creating an environment where kindness, empathy, and consideration are practiced daily—in big ways and small.
When we hear our children offer words like “Can I help?” or “Are you okay?” it’s proof that the little things we’ve modeled are quietly shaping who they’re becoming.
And while there’s no finish line in parenting (the lessons keep unfolding as they grow), these moments are like signposts on the road.
They remind us that the calm routines, the boundaries, the gentle nudges, and the messy teaching moments are all building toward something that matters: raising humans who make the world a more respectful place.
