When I became a parent, I found myself repeating phrases my own parents never said to me. Not because they were bad parents—they weren’t.
But sitting with Ellie after she’d had a hard day at preschool, or watching my toddler navigate big feelings, I realized how much my generation needed to hear certain things that just weren’t part of the parenting vocabulary back then.
My dad worked himself to the bone providing for us. We had everything we needed and then some. Family dinners happened every night like clockwork. But underneath that stability was an emotional gap that many of us are still trying to bridge as adults.
If you’re nodding along, you probably know what I mean. Those of us raised by boomers often find ourselves googling “how to process emotions” or working through people-pleasing patterns with our therapists. We’re doing the work our parents never knew needed doing.
Here are the words so many of us needed to hear—words that might have changed everything.
1. “Your feelings make complete sense”
Growing up, big emotions were something to get over quickly. “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” was the anthem of a generation. But imagine if instead, we’d heard that our anger, sadness, or frustration actually made sense given the situation?
Last week, my daughter came home devastated because her best friend said she couldn’t play. Instead of telling her to toughen up or that it wasn’t a big deal, I sat with her and said, “That must have really hurt. I’d be sad too.” The relief on her face was immediate. She wasn’t broken for feeling deeply. She was human.
Our boomer parents often treated emotions like inconveniences to be managed rather than important signals to be understood. They’d grown up in an even more emotionally restricted time, so they passed on what they knew. But we desperately needed someone to tell us that feeling things deeply wasn’t weakness.
2. “I’m learning too, and I don’t have all the answers”
Remember how our parents always seemed to have everything figured out? There was this unspoken rule that adults, especially parents, had to maintain an image of complete competence. Admitting uncertainty or mistakes wasn’t part of the program.
But kids need to see their parents as human. When I tell my kids that I’m still figuring things out, that I make mistakes and learn from them, something shifts. They stop trying to be perfect. They start seeing challenges as normal parts of life rather than personal failures.
3. “You don’t have to earn my love”
Report cards, sports achievements, being the “good kid”—so much of our childhood revolved around earning approval. Love felt conditional, even when it wasn’t meant to be. Good grades meant praise. Bad behavior meant withdrawal of affection.
Do you find yourself still trying to earn love as an adult? Still perfecting and performing, hoping it’ll finally be enough? That’s what happens when love feels like something you have to deserve rather than something freely given.
I make sure to tell my kids daily that nothing they do or don’t do changes how much I love them. Failed at something? Still loved. Made a mess? Still loved. Had a complete meltdown in Target? Still deeply, unconditionally loved.
4. “Your needs matter just as much as everyone else’s”
How many of us grew up believing that putting ourselves last was noble? That considering our own needs was selfish? Our parents’ generation often valued self-sacrifice above self-care, especially for women.
I catch myself sometimes, still defaulting to everyone else’s preferences, struggling to even identify what I want. It’s a pattern I’m actively working to break. When my daughter automatically gives up her turn or my son offers his favorite toy without being asked, I pause. “What do you want?” I ask them. “Your feelings matter too.”
5. “It’s okay to disagree with me”
“Because I said so” was the ultimate conversation ender in boomer households. Questioning authority, even respectfully, was seen as disrespectful. But healthy relationships require the ability to disagree, to express different opinions, to stand up for yourself even with people you love.
When my five-year-old argues with me about bedtime or my toddler shouts “No!” for the hundredth time, part of me wants to shut it down immediately. But I remind myself that they’re practicing using their voice. So we talk about it. We negotiate. Sometimes they even change my mind.
6. “Your struggles don’t mean you’re failing”
Struggle was often seen as shameful in our childhood homes. If you were having a hard time, you kept it quiet. Mental health challenges, learning difficulties, social struggles—these were things to hide, not discuss.
But struggle is part of being human. When we pretend it isn’t, we raise kids who think something’s wrong with them every time life gets hard. I want my children to know that needing help is normal, that working through challenges is how we grow, that struggle is not the opposite of success but often the path to it.
7. “You can change your mind”
Once you picked something—a sport, an instrument, a college major—that was it. Quitting was failure. Changing direction was giving up. But life is long, and forcing ourselves down paths that no longer serve us isn’t strength, it’s stubbornness.
I want my kids to know that changing their minds as they learn more about themselves isn’t flaky or weak. It’s growth. It’s wisdom. It’s choosing alignment over appearance.
8. “Rest is just as important as productivity”
Our parents’ generation wore exhaustion like a badge of honor. The busier you were, the more valuable you were. Rest was lazy. Downtime was wasted time.
Is it any wonder so many of us struggle with burnout? We learned that our worth was tied to our output. But humans aren’t machines. We need rest, play, and purposeless joy. I’m teaching my kids that taking breaks isn’t giving up—it’s refueling.
9. “Your boundaries deserve respect”
“Give your aunt a hug.” “Don’t be rude.” “Family is family.” Physical affection was mandatory. Saying no to adults was disrespectful. Boundaries were seen as walls instead of healthy fences.
Now I watch my daughter confidently say “I’d like a high-five instead” when she doesn’t want a hug, and I feel proud. She knows her body is hers. She knows her comfort matters. She knows that love and boundaries can coexist beautifully.
10. “I’m proud of who you are, not just what you do”
Achievements got celebrated. Report cards went on the fridge. Trophies lined the shelves. But who we were at our core—kind, creative, thoughtful—that often went unnoticed and definitely uncelebrated.
I make sure to notice when my son shares his snack without being asked. When my daughter includes someone who’s being left out. When they show courage in small, everyday ways. These moments matter more than any grade ever will.
Breaking the cycle
Our boomer parents did the best they could with the tools they had. They kept us fed, safe, and provided for. But emotional literacy wasn’t in their toolkit. They couldn’t give what they’d never received themselves.
Now we get to be the bridge generation. The ones who heal our own wounds while raising kids who won’t need the same healing. It’s messy work, catching ourselves mid-sentence when we hear our parents’ words coming out of our mouths, then choosing differently.
Some days I nail it. Other days I fall back into old patterns. But every time I tell my kids what I needed to hear, every time I meet them with understanding instead of dismissal, every time I show them that feelings are safe and struggles are normal and they are loved exactly as they are, I’m rewriting the story.
Not just for them. For the child in me who’s still learning these truths too.
