As a mom of two little ones, I’ve had my fair share of moments where conversations with my kids felt…well, one-sided. I’d ask, “How was school?” and get a shrug. I’d try, “What did you learn today?” and hear, “I don’t know.”
It wasn’t that my kids didn’t want to talk to me. They just didn’t always have the words—or the willingness—to share. And if I’m being honest, I realized a lot of the time it wasn’t about them. It was about me. The way I was framing conversations wasn’t inviting them to open up.
That realization sent me on a bit of a mission. I started reading about child psychology, listening to parenting podcasts, and most importantly, paying closer attention to what happened in our day-to-day conversations. Eventually, I experimented with slipping certain words into how I spoke to them.
The difference was remarkable. These seven simple words shifted the tone of our conversations and helped my kids feel seen, understood, and more willing to share.
Here are the seven words—and why they work.
1. “Yet”
My oldest used to get frustrated with anything challenging. If she couldn’t read a word right away or figure out a math problem, she’d quickly say, “I can’t do this.”
Instead of rushing in with encouragement or correcting her, I started softly adding the word “yet” to her statements.
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“You can’t do it yet.”
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“You don’t understand it yet.”
That tiny addition turned the conversation from a dead end into a possibility. It’s rooted in growth mindset research—reminding kids that ability isn’t fixed, and that effort matters.
Within weeks, I noticed her starting to use “yet” herself. It was like handing her a new lens through which to see her own struggles.
2. “Because”
At first glance, “because” seems like such an ordinary word. But I discovered how powerful it can be in helping my kids feel validated.
For example, instead of saying, “You’re upset, I get it,” I’d say:
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“You’re upset because your brother knocked over your tower. That must feel really frustrating.”
Or instead of, “I’m proud of you,” I’d add a reason:
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“I’m proud of you because you worked so hard on that drawing.”
“Because” shows them I’m not just throwing empty words at them—I’m paying attention to the why behind their feelings or actions. And kids, like adults, want to feel truly understood.
3. “Imagine”
One of the biggest challenges with younger kids is perspective-taking. They live so much in the here and now that it’s tough to get them to think beyond their own immediate wants.
When conflicts came up—between siblings, or even with friends at school—I started using “imagine” to gently stretch their empathy.
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“Imagine if your brother said that to you—how would you feel?”
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“Imagine what it feels like to be the new kid in class.”
Instead of lecturing, this word invited them into a safe little experiment in perspective. And when they tried it, I could see their expressions soften.
4. “Wow”
I used to think I had to deliver elaborate praise to encourage my kids. But sometimes that made them roll their eyes or tune me out.
Then I tried something simpler: just saying “wow” when they showed me something.
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“Wow, you built that all by yourself?”
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“Wow, you remembered to feed the dog!”
“Wow” communicates genuine awe without overloading them. It makes them feel impressive without pressure. And honestly, it’s fun for me too—it reminds me to slow down and marvel at their little victories.
5. “Help”
Like many parents, I slipped into the habit of always instructing: “Put your shoes on. Eat your veggies. Clean up the toys.”
One day, almost on a whim, I asked:
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“Can you help me set the table?” instead of “Set the table.”
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“Can you help me pick up the blocks?” instead of “Clean up.”
It was a game changer. Kids love to feel needed and capable. By using the word “help,” I wasn’t just giving orders—I was inviting them into teamwork. The task became a chance to connect instead of a power struggle.
6. “Together”
Sibling rivalry is alive and well in my house. With two kids close in age, there are daily battles over toys, attention, or who gets to push the elevator button.
Adding the word “together” into conversations helped soften the edges.
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“Let’s figure this out together.”
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“You two built this fort together—look at what you made!”
“Together” shifts the focus from competition to connection. It’s subtle, but it reframes the moment from me versus you to us as a team.
7. “Tell”
This might be the most obvious one, but it’s also the most powerful.
I realized I often asked my kids questions that led to dead ends:
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“Did you have a good day?” (“Yes.”)
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“Are you hungry?” (“No.”)
So I switched to prompts like:
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“Tell me the funniest thing that happened today.”
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“Tell me what you liked best about recess.”
“Tell” invites a story. It opens a door. It signals that I actually want to hear, not just check a box. And with kids, that invitation makes all the difference.
The ripple effect in our home
After a few weeks of consciously weaving these words into our conversations, I noticed something. My kids weren’t just responding differently—they were starting to use these words themselves.
My daughter said to her brother, “You don’t know how to do it yet. I’ll show you.”
My son, after a tantrum, muttered, “I was mad because you turned the TV off.”
Even little phrases like “let’s do it together” started popping up in their play. These words weren’t just tools for me—they were shaping the way my kids understood themselves and related to others.
Why this works (and why it’s not magic)
I want to be clear: slipping seven words into conversation doesn’t suddenly erase meltdowns, whining, or sibling squabbles. We still have plenty of those moments in our house.
But here’s the thing—language matters. Research shows the words we use literally shape how kids see the world. They teach resilience (“yet”), empathy (“imagine”), and connection (“together”).
And beyond the psychology, these words reminded me to slow down and connect. They nudged me away from autopilot parenting and into more mindful communication.
A few practical tips if you want to try this
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Start small. Pick one word to focus on for a week. Maybe “yet” at homework time or “help” during chores.
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Notice your habits. Pay attention to when you slip into autopilot—like asking yes/no questions—and see if you can swap in a “tell” prompt.
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Model it. Kids absorb the words we use. The more naturally you say them, the more likely they’ll show up in your kids’ own vocabulary.
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Don’t force it. These words only work if they feel authentic. Use them in moments that genuinely fit, not as some parenting script.
Final thoughts
Parenting is messy, exhausting, and sometimes feels like a never-ending negotiation. But it’s also filled with these fleeting, precious chances to connect with our kids.
For me, adding these seven words into everyday conversations didn’t just help my kids talk more—it helped me listen better.
And in the end, that’s what they needed all along.
